I am thankful for my bills

It sounds weird, I know. But I am. I’m not just thankful that I have money to pay them, I am thankful that someone thinks I can handle this responsibility and holds me accountable for it, every month. There are of course times that I wish these institutions were like my boss or my mother and a little more understanding.. but at the same time, my bills are things that I knowingly signed up for. I made the decision to move out, knowing that I would have to pay rent each month, more or less for the rest of my life… as well as utilities and internet and such. I knew when I started driving that I’d have to have insurance, and that the freedom of being able to go wherever I wanted, when I wanted, so long as I had gas, would cost me a monthly payment.

I’m someone who likes guidelines. I like knowing where the boundaries are. In fact, I’ve been known to push peoples’ buttons just so that in the future, I have that knowledge of what that person’s fuse is. Maybe that’s why I appreciate the hard lines of my bills so much. Ironically, appreciating my responsibilities is like a positive affirmation. Appreciating the fact that I am able to meet these responsibilities means that I will continue to be responsible when these bills have all been paid – and at that point, my investments in myself will really be paying off.

Of course, that’s not to say I’m fabulously wealthy and have a bunch of money to burn. I do live in an apartment. I have been shopping for a house but that’s just not in my 21-year-old budget. I drive a car that’s 8 or more years old and I regularly maintain it. This last year has been a  bit difficult for me. Between launching my own business and taking classes without changing my work schedule, I also decided to take on some more financial responsibility (in order to help my credit support buying a house in the somewhat-near future). So, no matter how thankful I am for my bills, I still had to curb my spending habits and teach myself some new tricks. Here are a few of the things I learned so that you can try them, yourself.

  • I always run up a monthly budget of how much inflow I will have (I round this down) and how much my regular bills cost me (I round this up). I also include some variables like gas and groceries. My new trick for this year was to specify how much fun money I was allowed between paychecks. This is the same theory behind building in some junk food into a new diet – allowing yourself SOME freedom to buy things when you are on a budget prevents you from going cold turkey and completely splurging.
  • the “3x rule” – if I find something I think I need, I wait until I have felt that ‘need’ three times before I allow myself to buy it. Especially because I have access to just about every electronic do-dad, every book, and every piece of music I could possibly want, this really helps cut down on extraneous spending.
  • pay yourself. Sometimes this is extremely difficult to do. Trust me, I know this more than anyone else. I have several ways I do this – both electronically and physically – but the important thing here is to save a little something from each check. This is the most rewarding thing I have ever done and although I have ended up using a lot of these little savings for emergency bills as they’ve come up, that is exactly why it is important to save my money. I never know when I will need a little extra financial help.

I hope sharing my experience and lessons learned helps someone out there, especially with the fast approaching holiday. Please have a happy and safe Thanksgiving! Namaste ❤


Being an Adult Sucks

Some people may be surprised that I’m writing about this, because I’m only 21 and don’t have much life experience. But I’ve recently had a situation that has shown me who exactly is the adult in most of my relationships. It sure says a lot about someone who is given a full apology and would rather simply discontinue contact than acknowledge any efforts from the other person to make the situation better.

I recently left a local ghost hunting group for a multitude of reasons. I won’t really explain why right now, because that’s not really important. A lot of people who read this blog already know why. But the thing I’d like to focus on is that while I don’t believe I did anything inherently wrong, I still fixed what I did. When it was explained to me why others thought this was inappropriate of me, I understood everything they were trying to tell me, 100%. I admitted that I messed up. I apologized for everything. I apologized if I was rude on the phone. I apologized for doing it in the first place. I apologized for not asking permission. Hell, I apologized for being stumbling and stuttering my words.

Not one apology was acknowledged or appreciated. No matter how differently I phrased it, I got the ‘I have much better things to do with my time’ attitude. I finally just took my bag and left.

I have been trying so hard to not say anything mean on Facebook, because I don’t feel that is necessary. However, I don’t feel obligated to lie and say the reasons I left were all sunshine and buttercups. I am in a lot of pain right now because I feel abused and betrayed. I can understand they also felt the same way, but the fact that I owned up and apologized and that didn’t make a difference incenses me to no end. The fact that I have been removed from one of their friend’s lists is also upsetting, especially because I was trying to go out of my way to help this woman further. This woman, by the way, is twice my age and has grandchildren. And yet, I’m the one who apologized, and she’s the one who sent that clear signal of “it’s over”.

I tried a cord-cutting exercise earlier today. I immediately felt lighter, less attached the situation, but I still  have a lot of leftover animosity. I’m trying to follow my Reiki principles – ‘just for today I will not be angry’ – but I think at this point I’m more hurt than anything. I am trying to let go. I am trying to move on. I am not trying to sound like a drama queen. I’m just not sure how I need to go forward from here.