Some people may be surprised that I’m writing about this, because I’m only 21 and don’t have much life experience. But I’ve recently had a situation that has shown me who exactly is the adult in most of my relationships. It sure says a lot about someone who is given a full apology and would rather simply discontinue contact than acknowledge any efforts from the other person to make the situation better.
I recently left a local ghost hunting group for a multitude of reasons. I won’t really explain why right now, because that’s not really important. A lot of people who read this blog already know why. But the thing I’d like to focus on is that while I don’t believe I did anything inherently wrong, I still fixed what I did. When it was explained to me why others thought this was inappropriate of me, I understood everything they were trying to tell me, 100%. I admitted that I messed up. I apologized for everything. I apologized if I was rude on the phone. I apologized for doing it in the first place. I apologized for not asking permission. Hell, I apologized for being stumbling and stuttering my words.
Not one apology was acknowledged or appreciated. No matter how differently I phrased it, I got the ‘I have much better things to do with my time’ attitude. I finally just took my bag and left.
I have been trying so hard to not say anything mean on Facebook, because I don’t feel that is necessary. However, I don’t feel obligated to lie and say the reasons I left were all sunshine and buttercups. I am in a lot of pain right now because I feel abused and betrayed. I can understand they also felt the same way, but the fact that I owned up and apologized and that didn’t make a difference incenses me to no end. The fact that I have been removed from one of their friend’s lists is also upsetting, especially because I was trying to go out of my way to help this woman further. This woman, by the way, is twice my age and has grandchildren. And yet, I’m the one who apologized, and she’s the one who sent that clear signal of “it’s over”.
I tried a cord-cutting exercise earlier today. I immediately felt lighter, less attached the situation, but I still have a lot of leftover animosity. I’m trying to follow my Reiki principles – ‘just for today I will not be angry’ – but I think at this point I’m more hurt than anything. I am trying to let go. I am trying to move on. I am not trying to sound like a drama queen. I’m just not sure how I need to go forward from here.