A reflection

I have spent the last couple of weeks absentmindedly worrying about the weekend of September 18th. I have given a few tarot readings to a friend of my boyfriend’s, and she has expressed an interest in learning tarot herself. This was exciting; I’d done so well in her readings she wants to try it herself. I told her I’d buy her a deck as a late birthday present, and it sits on a bookshelf, waiting for the aforementioned weekend when I’ll travel to give it to her.

I’ve been worrying because this will be the first person I’ve taught who knows nothing or next to nothing about this world. It scares me to think that I might scare her off, or that I might not prepare her well enough for what she’s getting into. Tarot changed my life, and I’ve had one ‘failure’ of a student already. Granted, I’m positive she was interested in tarot to scare people, but still.

Yesterday, one of my successful tarot students visited with me for a while. I don’t know this girl very well but she picked up tarot really well and the readings that I’ve seen her do have been very, very good. Over the course of the afternoon, we talked about how much of a pain it is when people won’t let you make your own decisions, even if it means you might fall flat on your ass. It made me rethink everything I was going to tell P, and, well, now I don’t think I’m going to tell her a whole lot. Not like I was planning. I had a long list of things I was going to mention and bring up, I’d been rehearsing what to say in the bathroom mirror and to the cat, and now I don’t think that would be a very good idea. Yes, I want her to know things; no, I will not shove my ideas about how she should work with her deck down her throat. Should she ask… I’ll make my opinions available.

I drew three cards for insight into this situation, past and present. Considering the circumstances, I felt they were very appropriate. The 10 of swords in the past indicates I’ve been literally tearing myself up over this issue. The Hermit says I have taken the time to do some soul-searching and introspection. The Sun says I have a bright future ahead, that I’ve recognized the true source of the issue and have learned from it; from here I can carry on and do what I need to do.

This is a relief… although the presence of the Majors indicates that this is a very important thing I’ve realized, which makes me curious about the nature of this lesson. But I digress. It makes me wonder if I’m supposed to write about tarot at all. Food for thought, I suppose.